22.10.09

Sooo....

Everything has been kind of hectic...I'd much rather NOT get into that over a blogspot about how I feel. Anyways...lol I've been plenty busy and trying to fight the rising waters and keep a clear mind. It will get better with time I'm sure.

As for the state of this blog well:
(1) I have some ideas for it that I think will just be peachy!
(2) I know, I need to get its look together.

Don't worry if I have to learn how to do it myself I will.

I'm a very resourceful person when I actually take the time out of my life to behave as such. =)

But thats all for this small post.

Remember I'm working on something I think is going to be intereasting.

It may hurt my feelings that some of the people who encouraged me to start this blog doesn't even read it, but I TRULY appreciate the seven followers that do. =)

Peace, Love, Words.

Sincerly,
Lainey.

8.10.09

Death by Words

Every form of contact you have attempted has been cold and stand offish.
You say what you mean, and regret it later.
Yesterday your hands had a meeting with my neck.
And your foot more than kissed my rib cage.
And your words rocked my ear drumbs, and your anger took me in and put me to sleep.
Yesterday it was as if you attempted to cut off the very air from my lungs.
Today, you want to love me?
Adorn me with all the beautiful and poetic things in the world.
Only then I wouldn't mind dying of asphyxiation.

Because Love is a bit like a lion...

"-You turn down ex-lovers in quiet.
-Yeah, I'm not afraid in music.
-Or language.
-
-It's these silences.
-Where lovers become assassins without warning. It's
the noise. A horrible throbbin' roar...and...
-You can't hear yourself."

[Liliane by Ntozake Shange]

Love is like a lion. Like a king it calls the shots, but it strikes without warning. Its so loud some days you barely hear it coming, mostly because its your screams and loves roar.

Maybe. Later in life I'll understand what I myself mean by...Love is a bit like a lion.

Excuse my french...


"il faut souffrir pour ĂȘtre belle."
Translation: It is necessary to suffer to be beautiful.

Words for you to chew on...

Here a few words for you to chew on.
Even devour if you like...

Look, excuse me for making this about race. But wasn't it already a conversation that's been brewing over a hundred years we're engaged in. Seems like you just helped me tip over the pot and we both took it upon ourselves to stand by and watch as the faces brown, black, and white slid by and spilled over. Below our feet I can see the words that tumbled out of Martin Luther Kings mouth. You know its been years and his words are still hot, and the flavor still sits upon every tongue of the brown ones that have...well let him down. What was it he was fighting for again? Equality...or something like that. Brown V.S. Board of Education can I get a bit of equality please. Separate but equal, together but wait...still NOT equal? Still not good enough for your standards, still not safe enough to walk past alone with designer shoes on your feet and credit cards to match.

Am I wrong or are we still discriminated against? Is it not a pair of growing green eyes following me as a shop money in hand. Perched over in his stance ready to scream "THIEF" at any sign of me running! Segregation, Discrimination...YOU DON'T LIKE MY SKIN COLOR? YOU DON'T ENJOY MY FACE? YOU PEOPLE...I'm sorry but WE are no longer the same. Neither or yours...sir, have you missed the fact that EVERYTHING has changed.

It won't matter how many "yes sirs, or no sirs" I throw your way. Won't matter if I get a masters degree or not...will it? You want me to stay locked up in the hood behind those invisible bars that only seem to come out when the cops are around. You've drawn barrier lines around the outskirts of my "hood".

See according to statistics I am a prodigy. A soon to be mother, and another blending face in the line at the unemployment office. I won't go further than high school and making it out of there seems to come as shear shock to you. But dear sir, I will go further, and I will be bigger than you think. I see past your cold hard stares...I want NOTHING MORE THAN TO KILL YOUR JOY. I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO BRING YOU DOWN.

Best way to seize your soul, and plant fear in your heart is to walk past you...In your schools, your doctors office, and your neighborhood. So dear sir, its your turn to attempt to mop up the past in hopes of changing the future. Erase our history. But as you get on your hands and knees, excuse me because i shall be...creating another pot of words for you to chew on...