So it is now the last 6 weeks of my senior year. The last six weeks too:
raise up my grades and GPA
apply for scholarships
apply for colleges
NOT SLEEP!
So this is final week for my Houston Community College classes...-_-
Which for me means writing papers (one being extra credit to help my seriously lame eco grade)
and forming study groups for economics. Which have I ever mentioned is an a)seriously lame class for a person who isn't into that and b) well not to hard if you actually pay attention. LOL. Point is I am a bit
slumped because my reagular high school classes start next week so review time is about to kick in like Thursday...in some cases Friday.
Moral of this post is...
I'm swamped with school, moody, having those "bad college dreams" (that btw I thought I wouldn't get until closer to the end of the year), and missing hours of sleep. I'm sure you all know how hard it is to only get one hour of sleep before you arrive at school...and avoid sleeping in class. -_-
Also I am FINALLY reading a Chuck Palahunick book....gah, you know I love him!
=) TTFN Loves,
Alanna.
8.12.09
11.11.09
Things I think, Feel, Want to Live by, Hope grows on me...
If I can’t be beautiful, I want to be invisible.
— Chuck Palahniuk
You can only hold a smile for so long, after that it’s just teeth.
— Chuck Palahniuk
Most times, it’s just a lot easier not to let the world know what’s wrong.
— Chuck Palahniuk
You are not special. You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We’re all part of the same compost heap. We’re all singing, all dancing crap of the world.
— Chuck Palahniuk
I am an invisible monster, and I am incapable of loving anybody.
— Chuck Palahniuk
The truth is… you think what people want you to think.
— Chuck Palahniuk
You can tell people the truth, but they’ll never believe you until the event. Until it’s too late. In the meantime, the truth will just piss them off and get you in a lot of trouble.
— Chuck Palahniuk
All the effort in the world won’t matter if you’re not inspired.
— Chuck Palahniuk
The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.
— Chuck Palahniuk
1.11.09
We Love You Michael!
So...I'm sure you were all expecting this post like yesterday right? Yes a Michael Jackson post. =D well here it is...why because he is awesome and amazing and...I'm still having trouble remembering to speak of him in the past-tense form because well still seems like he is alive to me. I'm sure after you sit through the 2hour long "This Is It" film you'll feel the same.
IT
WAS
SPECTACULAR!
I fell in love with music ALL OVER AGAIN! It was like...I don't know how to explain it...just wonderful. Michael was a genius he felt every aspect of music! You could literally see it...shoot his cherographer didn't even speak he just made sounds and MJ knew what to do...strage but SO TOTALLY AWESOME! He killed it...my favorite part of the movie had to be the parts when he would get caught up in his rehersals...like it was him in rare form. It was the part of an artist that rarely is ever seen...the part of an artist when they are making the art.
I don't really know how to explain it, its just that he was so amazing. I wish the artist out now were as passionate about music and dance as he was! He just put is ALL into it, for the fans not just himself! I honestly think that he would be one of those people that say "I'd sing and dance for you all, all day even if you didn't pay me too!". He just was that good. His moves were effortless they just flowed from out of him and even though it was rehersals and NOT actual concert footage it was still amazing. Pretty beautiful if you ask me.
But I don't want to bore you with my movie critques...I'm just a girl with opinions. But I will leave you all with this...
IT
WAS
SPECTACULAR!
I fell in love with music ALL OVER AGAIN! It was like...I don't know how to explain it...just wonderful. Michael was a genius he felt every aspect of music! You could literally see it...shoot his cherographer didn't even speak he just made sounds and MJ knew what to do...strage but SO TOTALLY AWESOME! He killed it...my favorite part of the movie had to be the parts when he would get caught up in his rehersals...like it was him in rare form. It was the part of an artist that rarely is ever seen...the part of an artist when they are making the art.
I don't really know how to explain it, its just that he was so amazing. I wish the artist out now were as passionate about music and dance as he was! He just put is ALL into it, for the fans not just himself! I honestly think that he would be one of those people that say "I'd sing and dance for you all, all day even if you didn't pay me too!". He just was that good. His moves were effortless they just flowed from out of him and even though it was rehersals and NOT actual concert footage it was still amazing. Pretty beautiful if you ask me.
But I don't want to bore you with my movie critques...I'm just a girl with opinions. But I will leave you all with this...
22.10.09
Sooo....
Everything has been kind of hectic...I'd much rather NOT get into that over a blogspot about how I feel. Anyways...lol I've been plenty busy and trying to fight the rising waters and keep a clear mind. It will get better with time I'm sure.
As for the state of this blog well:
(1) I have some ideas for it that I think will just be peachy!
(2) I know, I need to get its look together.
Don't worry if I have to learn how to do it myself I will.
I'm a very resourceful person when I actually take the time out of my life to behave as such. =)
But thats all for this small post.
Remember I'm working on something I think is going to be intereasting.
It may hurt my feelings that some of the people who encouraged me to start this blog doesn't even read it, but I TRULY appreciate the seven followers that do. =)
Peace, Love, Words.
Sincerly,
Lainey.
As for the state of this blog well:
(1) I have some ideas for it that I think will just be peachy!
(2) I know, I need to get its look together.
Don't worry if I have to learn how to do it myself I will.
I'm a very resourceful person when I actually take the time out of my life to behave as such. =)
But thats all for this small post.
Remember I'm working on something I think is going to be intereasting.
It may hurt my feelings that some of the people who encouraged me to start this blog doesn't even read it, but I TRULY appreciate the seven followers that do. =)
Peace, Love, Words.
Sincerly,
Lainey.
8.10.09
Death by Words
Every form of contact you have attempted has been cold and stand offish.
You say what you mean, and regret it later.
Yesterday your hands had a meeting with my neck.
And your foot more than kissed my rib cage.
And your words rocked my ear drumbs, and your anger took me in and put me to sleep.
Yesterday it was as if you attempted to cut off the very air from my lungs.
Today, you want to love me?
Adorn me with all the beautiful and poetic things in the world.
Only then I wouldn't mind dying of asphyxiation.
You say what you mean, and regret it later.
Yesterday your hands had a meeting with my neck.
And your foot more than kissed my rib cage.
And your words rocked my ear drumbs, and your anger took me in and put me to sleep.
Yesterday it was as if you attempted to cut off the very air from my lungs.
Today, you want to love me?
Adorn me with all the beautiful and poetic things in the world.
Only then I wouldn't mind dying of asphyxiation.
Because Love is a bit like a lion...
"-You turn down ex-lovers in quiet.
-Yeah, I'm not afraid in music.
-Or language.
-
-It's these silences.
-Where lovers become assassins without warning. It's
the noise. A horrible throbbin' roar...and...
-You can't hear yourself."
-Yeah, I'm not afraid in music.
-Or language.
-
-It's these silences.
-Where lovers become assassins without warning. It's
the noise. A horrible throbbin' roar...and...
-You can't hear yourself."
[Liliane by Ntozake Shange]
Love is like a lion. Like a king it calls the shots, but it strikes without warning. Its so loud some days you barely hear it coming, mostly because its your screams and loves roar.
Maybe. Later in life I'll understand what I myself mean by...Love is a bit like a lion.
Excuse my french...
"il faut souffrir pour être belle."
Translation: It is necessary to suffer to be beautiful.
Words for you to chew on...
Here a few words for you to chew on.
Even devour if you like...
Look, excuse me for making this about race. But wasn't it already a conversation that's been brewing over a hundred years we're engaged in. Seems like you just helped me tip over the pot and we both took it upon ourselves to stand by and watch as the faces brown, black, and white slid by and spilled over. Below our feet I can see the words that tumbled out of Martin Luther Kings mouth. You know its been years and his words are still hot, and the flavor still sits upon every tongue of the brown ones that have...well let him down. What was it he was fighting for again? Equality...or something like that. Brown V.S. Board of Education can I get a bit of equality please. Separate but equal, together but wait...still NOT equal? Still not good enough for your standards, still not safe enough to walk past alone with designer shoes on your feet and credit cards to match.
Am I wrong or are we still discriminated against? Is it not a pair of growing green eyes following me as a shop money in hand. Perched over in his stance ready to scream "THIEF" at any sign of me running! Segregation, Discrimination...YOU DON'T LIKE MY SKIN COLOR? YOU DON'T ENJOY MY FACE? YOU PEOPLE...I'm sorry but WE are no longer the same. Neither or yours...sir, have you missed the fact that EVERYTHING has changed.
It won't matter how many "yes sirs, or no sirs" I throw your way. Won't matter if I get a masters degree or not...will it? You want me to stay locked up in the hood behind those invisible bars that only seem to come out when the cops are around. You've drawn barrier lines around the outskirts of my "hood".
See according to statistics I am a prodigy. A soon to be mother, and another blending face in the line at the unemployment office. I won't go further than high school and making it out of there seems to come as shear shock to you. But dear sir, I will go further, and I will be bigger than you think. I see past your cold hard stares...I want NOTHING MORE THAN TO KILL YOUR JOY. I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO BRING YOU DOWN.
Best way to seize your soul, and plant fear in your heart is to walk past you...In your schools, your doctors office, and your neighborhood. So dear sir, its your turn to attempt to mop up the past in hopes of changing the future. Erase our history. But as you get on your hands and knees, excuse me because i shall be...creating another pot of words for you to chew on...
Even devour if you like...
Look, excuse me for making this about race. But wasn't it already a conversation that's been brewing over a hundred years we're engaged in. Seems like you just helped me tip over the pot and we both took it upon ourselves to stand by and watch as the faces brown, black, and white slid by and spilled over. Below our feet I can see the words that tumbled out of Martin Luther Kings mouth. You know its been years and his words are still hot, and the flavor still sits upon every tongue of the brown ones that have...well let him down. What was it he was fighting for again? Equality...or something like that. Brown V.S. Board of Education can I get a bit of equality please. Separate but equal, together but wait...still NOT equal? Still not good enough for your standards, still not safe enough to walk past alone with designer shoes on your feet and credit cards to match.
Am I wrong or are we still discriminated against? Is it not a pair of growing green eyes following me as a shop money in hand. Perched over in his stance ready to scream "THIEF" at any sign of me running! Segregation, Discrimination...YOU DON'T LIKE MY SKIN COLOR? YOU DON'T ENJOY MY FACE? YOU PEOPLE...I'm sorry but WE are no longer the same. Neither or yours...sir, have you missed the fact that EVERYTHING has changed.
It won't matter how many "yes sirs, or no sirs" I throw your way. Won't matter if I get a masters degree or not...will it? You want me to stay locked up in the hood behind those invisible bars that only seem to come out when the cops are around. You've drawn barrier lines around the outskirts of my "hood".
See according to statistics I am a prodigy. A soon to be mother, and another blending face in the line at the unemployment office. I won't go further than high school and making it out of there seems to come as shear shock to you. But dear sir, I will go further, and I will be bigger than you think. I see past your cold hard stares...I want NOTHING MORE THAN TO KILL YOUR JOY. I WANT NOTHING MORE THAN TO BRING YOU DOWN.
Best way to seize your soul, and plant fear in your heart is to walk past you...In your schools, your doctors office, and your neighborhood. So dear sir, its your turn to attempt to mop up the past in hopes of changing the future. Erase our history. But as you get on your hands and knees, excuse me because i shall be...creating another pot of words for you to chew on...
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